Yes, I Have A Speck of Dust In My Eye…

…but it’s nothing compared to the redwood in yours, dear neighbor.

Listen, I totally get that you were enlisted for a few years before you decided to go back and seek a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice. (You’re an Army Medic, so why you selected THAT degree is beyond me.) You’ve been through more deployments than him, I get that too. However, just because my hubby and I are younger than you and your wife does NOT render either of us complete buffoons, mmkay? In fact, let me count the ways we’re not complete retards:

1.) Birth control: When we were dating, Chia Pet absolutely refused to have sex with me if we did not have a form of contraception. From what I’ve heard, you and your wife didn’t quite share that same view…

2.) Money: Chia Pet worships at the Altar of Saving Money. He maxed out Savings Deposit Program within the first quarter of the deployment, he’s funneling money into the  Thrift Savings Plan, my income gets direct-deposited into our savings account, and we both have Roth IRAs that he plans to contribute the maximum amount to as soon as he’s allowed. (He set those up after 1.5 years of marriage, which was when we got most of our car debt under control.) When it comes to spending money, he’s taught me the value of getting the best deal and living frugally…To a point. (Not going to lie, I do love me a good shopping spree.) Now, just out of curiosity, why did your wife go in for “pectoral augmentation” with two kids and fvckloads of debt instead of, oh I don’t know, PAYING OFF THE DAMN DEBT FIRST?

3.) Guns: Chia Pet is a lifetime member of the National Rifle Association. He’s also a CCW permit holder in our native state. When it comes to gun laws and gun safety, he is, has been, and will be VERY vigilant about local laws and regulations in all matters firearms. (PCS’ing them is a bitch, by the way.) Trust me, proper authorities know exactly what we have in terms of firearms…ammuntion, however, is another story.

*giggles*

By the way, you’re totally not taking shelter with us for the zombie invasion.

________________________

Seriously, you freaking lectured me about firearm registration when your family is sitting one pet over the allowed limit for housing? Hate to break it to you, but the unloaded weapons sitting oh-so-harmlessly in the gun locker won’t attack you if you try to touch it, unlike that damn Basement Cat of yours. I’ve seen your kids interact with those cats, and you clearly haven’t taught them that “Bushy-tail-hissy-kitty” means “Don’t touch that cat unless you’d like blood drawn.” Both of those children are in school, they should be able to handle this concept, okay?

Yes, my husband has flaws: he can be arrogant and hot-tempered, he’s been known to develop tunnel vision, his determination to save money is almost an unhealthy obsession, and yes, he is a CHRONIC smartass. Most people who spend enough time with him know this, but they also learn that he’s very good at completing assigned tasks. Most people don’t ever see his “cute and caring” side because they can’t get past his arrogance, which is a pity.  In short: no one gets to judge my husband until they’ve spent as much time as I have with him, period.

*takes deep breath*

I’m done now. Going to take a page out of Old NFO’s book and go sit quietly in my corner now…

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~ by minimedic on December 8, 2011.